The First of Many

At 4 months old, we took Maxine in for her first surgery. I say "first" because this is just the beginning. She will have several surgeries over the years. And depending on how her palate and gums develop as she grows, she could have surgeries numbering in the double digits. Nothing will prepare you for the emotions of sending your child into the operating room. I'm not sure I can accurately describe it. But I know fellow parents who have had to walk the same road know exactly what I am talking about.

I didn't cry too much when we handed her to the anesthesiologist. She was sleeping sweetly, all swaddled up. She barely flinched as I handed her over. I think that made it better. Knowing that she was already sleeping before they put her under general anesthesia made me feel better. The waiting was the hard part. Time passed at a glacial pace. Even with the phone calls from the operating room to update us didn't seem to help the time pass more quickly.

We started chatting with fellow parents in the waiting room. It was incredibly sobering to be in a children's hospital. The atmosphere is heavy. We were all in the waiting room, trying to keep our brave faces on. Meanwhile, our most precious cargo was in the care of the team of surgeons. We passed the time with conversation with fellow parents and loved ones. But we were all thinking of our own little ones in the operating room. At last our surgeon came out to bring us back to the recovery room. A wave of relief, and strong emotion rushed over us as we made our way to greet our baby. There were more tears at this point than when we handed her off.

The first 20 hours afterward were brutal. She was in so much pain, and was crying and whimpering the whole time. The nurses kept up with her pain management as best they could, but our poor little 4 month old just didn't understand why she was hurting so much. The next morning, less than 24 hours after her surgery, we got a wonderful ray of hope through all the struggle. We were out getting breakfast, and when we came back in she was talking and cooing at the monitors. The screens that beeped with her vitals were very fascinating to her, and she was having little conversations with them. And then she saw us and smiled at us. Her brand new smile, courtesy of the wonderful medical technology of our time. Suddenly everything was okay.

The next 2 weeks were not easy, but every day she was a little better. And she smiled more every day. That made it infinitely easier to get through those difficult post-op days. Nothing hurts more than seeing my baby in pain. But nothing inspires me more than seeing her bravery through it all. We are gearing up for her second surgery in a few days. And I know that she will show us again just how brave and strong she is.

-Sarah