Unconditional

It has been awhile since my last post. Life, the holiday season, and my Etsy shop kept me busy. But I still want to go back and write down these posts. If not for myself, for Maxine when she gets older. And maybe someone else will find something useful in these posts.

Today, I want to talk about my other children. How do you prepare your six year old and even younger siblings for a new baby who will have a very visible birth defect? How do you explain what a cleft lip and palate are? I asked my cleft mom support group these questions. They recommended the wonderful book called Jack's New Smile. It is a story about a big sister who has a new baby brother, Jack. Jack has a cleft lip and palate. My six year old could read the book and understand what a cleft lip and palate meant. He knew that she would look different. He knew that she would need surgeries. He has absolutely no shyness, so he would tell complete strangers about her special bottles that she would need. He also read the book to his sisters. While my son may have understood well, I doubt my daughters knew or understood any of it.

My son was super sweet when he came to visit us. His first words were "she's so cute!". I got misty-eyed. Whatever else was going through his mind, she was his baby sister, and he loved her. I don't know why I was so worried about his reaction. He didn't have a concept of conditional love. He just knows love. He has taught me a lot about love before. And this time was no different. He loved his "Baby Max". No qualifiers, no conditions. She belongs to us, and we love her.

When we brought Maxine home, we began the introductions to her sisters. My 4 year old has always been a little mama herself. She has such strong maternal instincts. She was absolutely tickled pink that she had a new baby. She still thinks that Max is hers, and is hardly ever from her side. She poked at her cleft out of curiosity. But she was "her" baby, and that was all that mattered.

I was most worried about my 2 1/2 year old. She was only mildly curious at first. I think she was more concerned about being displaced as the "baby" of the family. But a few days later, she realized just what fun a new baby could be. She also poked at the cleft. My girls were very curious about it all. But I never once had to worry about what they thought about her. She was their sister, and new "baby doll". And they loved her.

I am glad that we bought that book, and talked with our son about it. But I should not have been so concerned about their reactions when meeting her. When we brought Maxine home, it was just about her. Not her cleft, not her struggles. Just her, a new baby to love on. My children inspire me. They are all so young, but they know more about love than I gave them credit for. They have shown what it means to love unconditionally. I want to be more like them.

-Sarah