Give Yourself Time

The week that we found out about Maxine's diagnosis was a difficult one, to say the least. My usual form of grief is to hide inside myself, grieve internally, and stuff it all down so nobody can see my weakness. But for some reason, this time was different. I gave myself permission to grieve, and I grieved openly. I cried a lot that week. When my husband was trying to be strong, probably for my sake, I cried. I grieved the pain that she would endure. I grieved the lack of a normal infancy and childhood that she would experience. I grieved the multiple surgeries that she would need throughout her life. I grieved the comments and looks from strangers that I knew would come. I grieved the bullying that she will likely experience later in life.

I grieved a lot of things that week. And I think that was one of the best things that I could have done. Because when there were no more tears, I started to focus on the things I wanted to get ready for her. And I began to actually get excited to meet her, and to get all those wonderful newborn snuggles. I think that if I did not take the time to grieve, I would have had a harder time getting excited for her birth.

I also joined a cleft support group on Facebook that week. It is a wonderful group that not only shares great information about a cleft diagnosis, but these parents have been exactly where I am. They, complete strangers at the time, were there with words of encouragement for me. And now I am sharing with mothers who are asking for help after getting the diagnosis for their little one. My advice to these mothers is this,

"Give yourself the time. You are stronger than you feel right now."

Strength does not make you immune to feeling vulnerable. Strength means that when you are feeling vulnerable, you step up and do what you need to do for your child. Feeling vulnerability does not equate to weakness. In fact, it takes a great deal more strength to carry on when you do feel vulnerable.

I gave myself time, and I found strength all around me. I found it in the repeated promises in the scriptures. I found it in my husband, who held me and let me cry. I found it in my 6 year old son who was there that first day and saw my pain. He did not know exactly what it was about, but he came over to me and put his hand on my arm to let me know that he was there. I found strength while playing the piano for our church services. I found strength from complete strangers on the internet. I found so much more love and strength than I ever imagined. I even found more strength in myself than I ever knew that I had.

Give yourself time. You are stronger than you know.

-Sarah